grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
send nudes
from the living room?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
