Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
how does that bad decision feel?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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