just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
