I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
