woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
