"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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