i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
