she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
