I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
two words: eviction party
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
