I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
