dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
