I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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