five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize