Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize