now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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