I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
