I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
