Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
