Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
