is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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