I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
