so explain again why im purple
no
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
