i permit you to call me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
