He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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