Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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