God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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