Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
