I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
