dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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