She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
