i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize