how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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