giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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