ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it was like eating out sand paper
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
