I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize