who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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