He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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