I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
