I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
