i think i have herpe
just one?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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