call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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