i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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