he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
