meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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