are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
