The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
