Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize