Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I can text with my tongue
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize