I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
