Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
