I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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