for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My dick has a subreddit
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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