shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
