Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
