another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
