Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I CAN MOONWALK!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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