I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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