just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
