I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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