New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
