I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
