Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
