My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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