My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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