why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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