shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
