i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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