what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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