be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
