he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
