dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
