Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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