ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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