Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
