So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
