The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
