oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
