I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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